M.I.A

I will be missing in action for the time being.

I have found that the society has been highly disappointing and until I find the human race to have redeeming qualities only then will I return.

Goodbye for now.

Sanita

Spirituality

I don't know how this blog became about my spirituality so quickly because I guess I've become more apt to complain about my spiritual turmoil a lot these days. I am in two classes this semester which I find really hard to study. It's my Interprofessional Ethics and Christian Beliefs class. These classes aren't that hard to pass and I can do the work for them, but its the thoughts that they cause me to think. These classes are meant to teach you things that can't possibly give you the right answer. How are you supposed to know how I am going to react in an ethical problem. It's obviously my choice and you can give me a lecture on what you would do and what people would see is the best, but would that make me happy. These are battles that I have to fight within myself. I hate that my interprofessional class is taught in such a socialistic point of view. Granted that I support a universal health care plan, but you can't only teach me only one point of view. There is always another argument and I am not completely getting choices. I always have to see my choices before I make a decision. It just puts my brain and soul in constant turmoil.

I am finding especially hard in my theology class this semester. It's just really hard because I consider myself a Buddhist and then I read these text about how I am lost and I need to find the path to God. I never want to say that I have doubted myself as a Buddhist, but I know that would be a lie if I said I didn't. This summer I went through a lot of spiritual self discovery. I have this necklace that I wear of this lucky lady Buddha thing which is really hard to describe, but it's some thing that I just wear just because. At the beginning of the summer my necklace started giving me a rash and I had to stop wearing it. That was strange because I have been wearing that necklace for years and I never had a problem with it. But all of a sudden I had to live without it. But it was good because I was able to live my summer without my Buddhist attachment. When I came back to school I kind of felt empty and decided to risk the rash and put it back on. Sure enough nothing happened and I am back to wearing it everyday. So one day I took off the necklace to put on a different one for fashion purposes and my life felt like it was falling apart. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong and I was in turmoil. I knew that something wasn't right and I came home and put back on my necklace and the next day I felt at ease again. So I know that I always will be a Buddhist, but its hard when I read these Christian texts telling me that I have not found the truth and reason. That my belief is leading me in the wrong direction. As a Buddhist, I would never try to convert anyone. What you believe is what you believe and I am not going to judge for it. If it makes you happy and gives you peace than please continue to believe it. It's not my job and right to tell you that you will suffer in your afterlife because for all I know is that you might not. This is just been my hardest class spiritually because I know that SLU does this to cause this spiritual battle. This class isn't a class with answers or facts. It's what people have grown with, it's like an oral tradition. I just don't know how I can try to work so hard to pass a class that cause so much spiritual turmoil in me. Why? I know that our school wants well rounded person, but this is a bit much. It's taking me 3 hours to complete one assignment for my 3 credit hour class. So I think its hard spending 9 hours on something that I don't exactly believe in. It's really hard. SO hard that I had to take a break from my homework to write this spiel about how in turmoil I am. I guess really it's just a sign to show me that I am on the right path? Well I just hope I find it soon and it appears quite simply. This journey is getting a little bit too rough for my taste.

Another Complaint Of Sorts

Ok first complaint - I hate when people say "Karma is a bitch." Being a Buddhist and all I kind of get offended by this. I guess its on the same lines as 'God Damn," but I still get offended at it. I think mostly I was offended by Toastee on I Love Money saying it because she is obviously unaware of what Karma even is.

Second huge complaint - As always I have been keeping up with my america's best dance crew on mtv and I am getting fed up with Randy Jackson rigging all the results. This week Supreme Soul got eliminated and I don't really like them or think they will win but they definitely shouldn't have been eliminated this episode. It really was Boogie Bots turn. So all the judges were mad that Supreme Soul and Super Cr3w were in the bottom two. So they were yelling at America and the audience saying we're lame blah blah. So that pissed me off. It obviously isn't America's fault because Randy Jackson is rigging all of the results because he's a biased asshole. So Lil' Mama and Shane Sparks get yo shit together. Don't even get me started on Lil' Mama!!! So my faves currently are Super Cr3w and Fanny Pak. But whatever.

Desert Island

haha. I'm kind of weird. I just noticed that I started off my post with laughing. I'm procrastinating from doing physics b/c its fucking hard as shit bah! But as I am struggling to do my homework. I am watching the office. I just watched the episode of ryan started the fire. I don' t really know what it's called but basically the office is set on fire b/c ryan forgot to take out his toast or something. So the office has to entertain themselves and they decide on desert island movies, books and who would I do. But I am trying to compile a list of desert island movies soooo here I go. Ok this list is actually a list of movies that I have seen numerous times and never get sick of. Some by choice and some I just happen to watch it many times.

1. Big Lebowski - I discovered this movie pretty late in life but I think I watched it in a good 2-3 week span at least every other day. It got pretty crazy when people would call me to tell me that the movie was on tv and I probably watched it. It's hilarious and has a little bit of mystery. I mean and how cool is "the dude?"

2.The Lion King - Disney Movies are awesome and as much as I love Aladdin or Mulan. I have seen the Lion King so many more times. I've even seen it in spanish, in french sheerly b/c I was bored. I know all the songs and words even the ones in other languages. ( Ok I'm lying) It's always interesting how much symbolism that lies in the movie too. Or how that things are based off of facts such as black maned lions actually exist in the world. Or that prides are often ruled by 2 brother males. Or the fact that the movie is based on Hamlet. It's really crazy what you can observe from the movie regardless if its the 20th time you've seen it.

3. Remember The Titans - I have been forced to see this movie for billions of reasons in my entire life time. Mostly for the racial tensions, ability to work as a team, over coming adversity, Denzel Washington, Ryan Gosling, etc. It really is a great movie and I never get sick of the movie. This is also another movie where I could probably recite all the lines from. Considering how many times I've watched this movie beyond my own consent and I enjoy still to this day makes it a top winner to be watched over and over again on a desert island.

4. Half Nelson - This movie didn't really get huge reviews or anything and went relatively unnoticed when it came out in theatres. It really is a great movie and I have no idea how I really found it, probably a blog. But it has Ryan Gosling and he plays this drug addict who happens to be a history teacher in the hood. A good majority of the soundtrack are songs by Broken Social Scene which is one of my all time favorite bands. It's simply a beautiful movie and I fallen in love with Ryan Gosling's character if he was sans the drug habit. have never gotten sick of this movie and if you were to ask me anytime of the week you wanted to see it. I would gladly be obliged to join you. This was a hard choice because it was between this or Juno, but I think I still need time to let Juno thoroughly grow on me.

5. Anchorman- Ok this was a tough one. I knew that I needed one of those comedies either it was 40 year old virgin, knocked up, dodge ball, or old school. And I think I am relatively happy with my choice. I love Will Farrell and Paul Rudd. I wish I could have Michael Cera, but I simply can't choose Superbad to watch. It's too intense to watch repetitively. But Weatherman has Baxtor and Steve Carrell. So I will forever live and love Weatherman on my desert island.

So those are my top choices, I think. I am pretty firm on my movie choices. Right? Ahhh I don't know. Yeah I'm happy with them. woooo! What are your choices?

My Beef With Lil' Mama

I swear I complain about the randomest things. But watching terrible tv shows. America's Best Dance Crew is the hottest MTV show. It's basically like Step Up in American Idol form. I absolutely love dance shows like So You Think You Can Dance and America's Best Dance Crew. I wish I didn't, but I love hip hop dancing. I wish I was a B- Girl forreal. To the main point
my beef with Lil' Mama. She is one of the judges of America's Best Dance Crew. She's 18-19 years old? I'm not sure. But who is she? what has she done? What knowledge does she have of dancing in a crew!???? I just don't know how she thinks she has any room to judge these people. She had one song and it was "Lip Gloss." I didn't even like that song very much. Supposedly it was a dance craze...compared to what.. Soulja Boy. Yeah doubt it. bah. Who are you Lil' Mama?! Why do you do this to me? Just get off the show already. No one values your opinion on dance, or life in general.