Creative Writing Project cont.

Toilet Paper

By Sanita Saengvilay

You never appreciate anything until you lose it. I think that’s one of the lessons of life that everyone has to learn the hard way. I mean think about it, toilet paper. You usually buy that in a 50 pack sets at Meijers. Once you're half way through the first pack, Cottonelle goes on sale and you’re like “man what a deal! Screw diminishing margins. A 50 pack of T.P. for $7.99. You can’t beat that!”

So I wake up one morning, get ready for school use the last of the toilet paper but I don’t worry about it because why should I? I have a stash of it hidden under the sink.

Lies. All lies.

I come home from school thinking that at least someone will have the decency to refill the toilet paper by now. There is still an empty cardboard cylinder wrapped around that crazy spring load contraption. Check under the sink. Nothing. Okay I’ll just go downstairs and take the TP from there. Nothing. Okay now I’m a little worried let me check the closet under the stairs. Nothing. How can this happen?

I need someone to blame

“Eddie!?”

“What?”

“Why isn’t there ANY toilet paper in this house what so ever? You’ve been in this house all day and you couldn’t even go to the store to get some?”

“What. Use a paper towel or something.”

“WHAT! That’s barbaric. It’s the 21^st century and you want me to use paper towels.”

“Well, when I was in Iraq we didn’t even have showers, so be grateful you spoiled brat.”

Quite frustrated and peeved that I can’t use the bathroom I started chanting, “This is not ‘nam, this is not ‘nam, this is not ‘nam!”

“WHAT?!”

At this point my brother proceeds to punched me in the arm for being ungrateful and insensitive to war vets. But what he didn’t’ know was that I was referencing The Big Lewbowski at a very inappropriate moment. My brother yelled at me for referencing obscure movies. The thing is that The Big Lewbowski was a movie from his collection. Eventually I drove to my friend’s house and went to the bathroom there.