Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Retail and SADness

Upon reflection, this may be my most miserable Christmas season I've ever experienced. I have basically diagnosed myself with seasonal affective disorder, and it has become much more apparent through working in retail. This has been my first experience ever working in retail and first season is the busy, holiday season. I have worked a many terrible jobs including the disgusting pizza handling, degrading singing to scoop ice cream, working with the sickly, germy, high risk children, etc. I know about sucky jobs, but this has to be the worst. It is the worst in combination of the season. I literally have not had a day off since before Thanksgiving. My first day off will be Christmas day.

1. Constantly disoriented. You have no idea what time it is or even what day it is. There are no windows in mall stores and its very unlikely that you'd get anytime to look or even be able see the sun. You are running around in closed, dusty places under florescent lights and most likely in an uncomfortable "stylish" outfit.

2. Loneliness. It becomes much more apparent during this season for many reasons. You are required to smile and have superficial conversations with your customers. You are trying to convince people to buy relatively useless stuff for their loved ones, families, friends, significant others. But people are buying tons and tons of stuff, dropping hundred of dollars. There you are working at minimum wage and unable to even afford the stuff in the store that you work at. When you finally get to spend time with your family and friends, the season requires that you miss the most intimate of holiday moments, but working late hours or cutting your time short by making you work early.There is nothing genuine about who you are in this environment. Even if you aren't interacting with customers you are folding and cleaning for hours on end which is relatively useless because customers will ruin it the second you finish. When you finally get off work at your obscenely late hours, there's no one to talk to because most people are sleeping.

Maybe I need to learn how to deal with this, but I feel that I am a person driven by sincerity and human interactions that its hard to pretend to be something that I'm not.

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