High School Senior Creative Writing Project

The Art of Bench Warming (2006)

By Sanita Saengvilay

“This one is for all the marbles, “whispered my coach.
The gym is in a silent anticipation, well that, and girls’ volleyball doesn’t usually draw a crowd. The score is 24-23 and all we need is this serve to win it or lose it. But all the weight is not on my shoulders. I am the one on the sidelines. No, I am not one of those cheerleaders. I am the coveted bench warmer. My purpose is to cheer for my teammates and get them water occasionally. If one of them gets injured, I will be there to fill in the few seconds before we tragically win or lose the match. Unless I accidentally packed the wrong shoes and was unable to play which I did twice during the season.

So there I was yelling “WHOO! YOU GOT THIS! GO ELGIN MAROONS! EASTSIDE MAROON PRIDE! Uhhh...YEAH!” I have been doing this, cheering and warming the bench, since I was in the 7th grade. In fact, these cheers probably have lost all meaning and become robotic. My cheers have even been labeled as “Pidaisms”. “Pida”, my nickname, and “Pidaisms” is the art of rambling nonsensical cheers when on the bench. You’d be quite surprised at how many people commit “Pidaisms”. Its not that I am terrible at the sport because I am on the team, but it is just that there are more people that are better than me.

On the bench, I would usually strike up a casual conversation with my coach or another teammate. We would discuss what does the phrase “when in Rome, do as the Romans do” actually means. With sprinkled “Pidaisms” in between to keep up the motivation. During breaks of the games we’d discuss what our favorite Star Wars movies were and why. We’d play games and constantly quote movies we have seen. The bench was not a bad place to be.

But this last year, something was different. After the team huddle, closing with an “Eastside maroon pride!” I took my seat on the bench and watched my teammates. As I watched, I began to notice certain habits and patterns. I digested this information and used it to my advantage to perfect my game. I experienced an epiphany and finally understood the terms “stay on your toes”, “hustle”, and “cover”. So when my teammates weren’t playing up to par, I would be put in and know just what to do. I had to prove to myself, my coaches, and my teammates that I was more than a benchwarmer. The more I improved, the more playing time I got. Then soon enough, I was in the starting lineup and had my name butchered when announced.

All the pressure was on my shoulders now. Once again, the score was 24-23 and it was up to me to get this serve. I hear one of my teammates scream, “This is it Pida! It’s all up to you! Don’t miss your serve!” I make my serve, but my teammates are unable to return it and we eventually lose the match. While in other games, I hear my coaches rambling and committing “Pidaisms.”
“Good Job! Uhhh… Keep up the good work Pida…Go ELGIN!”

Then I hear the ramblings of my other teammates that have taken my coveted position of benchwarmer. “Whoo! GO ELGIN! EASTSIDE MAROON PRIDE! WHOO... ELGIN… WHAT!” They now will learn and see the job of a benchwarmer and the inevitability of rising to becoming the best player they can be. I have learned that the benchwarmer has a very important role on every team.

Well.

I said that I would give this thing up, but alas stressful times revert me back to old ways and procrastinating blogging is my fave. I'm going to be posting up my high school senior creative writing project in the next few weeks, but for now I'm posting this little write up that my friend Irene did about me for her project. I believe it is quite an accurate portrayal of me... well, when I was in high school.

You know those presentations the academies give trying to recruit middle schoolers? They work. Or at least in Sanita’s case. She says, “They sold it really well. I thought I’d apply. ‘Wow, that sounds really awesome. What am I going to lose? I’ll get denied. So what? I’ll cry. Whatever happens.’”

Mullets and pelvic thrusting turn her off, and smart people turn her on. She elaborates, “When they know their periodic elements, it blows my mind. Writers. I don’t know. Anything. I have low standards. I’m amazed by anything.”

She’s sometimes frustrated with how people perceive her. “People always think I’m joking and they never believe me. I’m like the kid that cries wolf. I think I’m going to die that way:

‘I think I have cancer.’

‘No, you don’t, Sanita.’

And then an hour later I’m on the floor. I wish people would take me seriously sometimes. But I guess it comes to my advantage sometimes.”

Never living in regret, Sanita dreams of being an inventor, a writer, a director, and a physical therapist. Sanita says, “I want to be all of those.” Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and seize the day.

Bottle Water

-You cannot understand my nonsensical banter
but it's worthwhile to listen to my chatter.

My verbal ramblings drips like a leaky faucet.

The edge of world or the edge of the map has a lost legend.

Is it a mistake to believe that stagnant water looks much safer in plastic?

Too natural and too natty for my taste.

M.I.A

I will be missing in action for the time being.

I have found that the society has been highly disappointing and until I find the human race to have redeeming qualities only then will I return.

Goodbye for now.

Sanita

Spirituality

I don't know how this blog became about my spirituality so quickly because I guess I've become more apt to complain about my spiritual turmoil a lot these days. I am in two classes this semester which I find really hard to study. It's my Interprofessional Ethics and Christian Beliefs class. These classes aren't that hard to pass and I can do the work for them, but its the thoughts that they cause me to think. These classes are meant to teach you things that can't possibly give you the right answer. How are you supposed to know how I am going to react in an ethical problem. It's obviously my choice and you can give me a lecture on what you would do and what people would see is the best, but would that make me happy. These are battles that I have to fight within myself. I hate that my interprofessional class is taught in such a socialistic point of view. Granted that I support a universal health care plan, but you can't only teach me only one point of view. There is always another argument and I am not completely getting choices. I always have to see my choices before I make a decision. It just puts my brain and soul in constant turmoil.

I am finding especially hard in my theology class this semester. It's just really hard because I consider myself a Buddhist and then I read these text about how I am lost and I need to find the path to God. I never want to say that I have doubted myself as a Buddhist, but I know that would be a lie if I said I didn't. This summer I went through a lot of spiritual self discovery. I have this necklace that I wear of this lucky lady Buddha thing which is really hard to describe, but it's some thing that I just wear just because. At the beginning of the summer my necklace started giving me a rash and I had to stop wearing it. That was strange because I have been wearing that necklace for years and I never had a problem with it. But all of a sudden I had to live without it. But it was good because I was able to live my summer without my Buddhist attachment. When I came back to school I kind of felt empty and decided to risk the rash and put it back on. Sure enough nothing happened and I am back to wearing it everyday. So one day I took off the necklace to put on a different one for fashion purposes and my life felt like it was falling apart. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong and I was in turmoil. I knew that something wasn't right and I came home and put back on my necklace and the next day I felt at ease again. So I know that I always will be a Buddhist, but its hard when I read these Christian texts telling me that I have not found the truth and reason. That my belief is leading me in the wrong direction. As a Buddhist, I would never try to convert anyone. What you believe is what you believe and I am not going to judge for it. If it makes you happy and gives you peace than please continue to believe it. It's not my job and right to tell you that you will suffer in your afterlife because for all I know is that you might not. This is just been my hardest class spiritually because I know that SLU does this to cause this spiritual battle. This class isn't a class with answers or facts. It's what people have grown with, it's like an oral tradition. I just don't know how I can try to work so hard to pass a class that cause so much spiritual turmoil in me. Why? I know that our school wants well rounded person, but this is a bit much. It's taking me 3 hours to complete one assignment for my 3 credit hour class. So I think its hard spending 9 hours on something that I don't exactly believe in. It's really hard. SO hard that I had to take a break from my homework to write this spiel about how in turmoil I am. I guess really it's just a sign to show me that I am on the right path? Well I just hope I find it soon and it appears quite simply. This journey is getting a little bit too rough for my taste.